This post was inspired by SomewhereAlwaysTee’s YouTube video. If you’re a vlogger or blogger, I encourage you to share this post and make your on video or blog on the topic! Let’s start a travel community tag!
As I ascend into my mid-twenties, I realize that I don’t have the patience to entertain certain kinds of people anymore. This includes Drake stans, men with “Polo” in their Facebook names, Trump supporters, and barbarians who dip their fries in mayonnaise. The same sentiments apply to the company I keep while traveling. I’m getting too old to waste my precious time and monies on a trip with people who don’t complement my lifestyles. So I henceforth ban the following people from any and all vacations I take until further notice.
Note: culprits are listed in order from mildly annoying to completely unbearable.
5: THE CHRONIC PLANNER
If you’re the type to have an itinerary for every hour of each day on vacation, stay away from me. Especially if you’re the type that gets in a tizzy at the slightest possibility of going off schedule. I can’t take that type of micromanaging in real life, let alone the 3-5 PTO days I’m supposed to be carelessly relaxing. Now I’m not talking about the general “let’s do the beach in the morning, mall in the afternoon, and bar hop at night” people. I mean people who wake you up and 7:30 am because they made breakfast reservations for 9 am, took the liberty to sign up for a museum tour at 10:30 am, wants to hit the beach from 11:45 am to 1 pm, and has every remaining hour until midnight filled with specific activities. THOSE planners. Y’all just can’t travel with me. I need to have room for some kind of spontaneity.
4: THE ALL-NIGHTER
Apparently there are people in the world who think that going on vacation means that you should be up for 24 hours each day. That traveling should be a non-stop turn up from sunup to sundown.
“What do you need to sleep for? You’re in (insert destination here)! We’re going to make sure you don’t sleep at all! No dozing off! Wake up and drink!”
I rebuke all of that nonsense. I need AT LEAST 4-6 hours of sleep to be remotely functional on any given day. When I am sleep deprived, both my IQ and any hint of attractiveness drops by at least 20 percent. Basically, I become an irritable, fugly, slow-witted zombie and nobody wants to be around that on vacation.
3: THE BIG BALLER
Okay, so you just got a bonus at work and decide to splurge it all on vacation. You’ve been saving $15 a week for 9 months and you have a nice little stash for shenanigans. You have a $5,000 credit limit with double point rewards and no international transaction fees. Basically, money is not an issue for you. In fact, you’re feeling like an extra in an early 2000’s Dipset video. You cannot travel with me. For no other reason than I can’t afford all of that fancy ish you want to do. You’re not about to have me out here feeling like your Fonsworth Bentley all week long. You must be within 3 standard deviations of my gross income to be invited on a trip with me.
2: THE HOMESICK
The homesick travel buddy comes in two different forms.
1 – The person who moans everyday about how they are ready to go home. They may mention that they miss their significant other, home, car, or cat approximately 78.3 times per day. This is the most classic form of homesick.
2 – The person who constantly insinuates that nothing on the trip is better than what their hometown has to offer. They may frequently say things like, “The views are so much better in my city…the rice pilaf back by my house is more authentic…the parks here are so small compared to home”. This is the most annoying form of homesick.
1: THE TRAVEL SNOB
Oh my God, you people are unbearable. If you don’t know what a travel snob is, let me take a second to clarify. These are the Facebook friends who make statuses like, “If you don’t have a passport, you’re basic as hell”. The Twitter users who wait until every Spring Break to tweet, “People are still going to Miami? That’s so high school”. The Instagrammers who take dramatic pictures of their passport with a plane ticket partially hanging out of it in the airport, and caption it something like, “While y’all are sitting at home, I’m out here catching these flights”.
No doubt these people love travelling – which is great – but they make you feel less than if YOU don’t love it, too. They’ll call you basic, lazy, childish, closed-minded. News flash: Everybody doesn’t care about exploring the world, and that’s okay! Some people rather buy a new iPhone than take a trip to Thailand. Some people may need car repairs more than they need to visit the Caribbean. That doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t cultured or aware. For all you know, they could speak 3 different languages! Meanwhile you’ve been to France 3 times and all you’ve learned to say is “Where is McDonalds” and “Do you speak English”. Bloop.
In short, it’s not your business to travel shame people. Until you change your elitist ways, you’re not invited to travel with me.