Oh, America. The birthplace of the fast food restaurant. We all indulge from time to time, regardless of how condescending we may be when we talk about it. It’s convenient, it’s fast, and it’s popular enough to remain a multi-billion dollar industry. So I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to see so many familiar chains when I moved to Madrid. My sentiment wasn’t so much “HOW is that here?” as it was“WHY is that here? What about (insert better place here)?”
Like, if we’re going to have crappy American food to choose from, we might as well pick the best of the worst, right? If it’s going to clog my arteries and spike my blood pressure, I might as well get some enjoyment out of it. So here are my proposals for the 2016 American Fast Food Draft in Spain.
PICK #1 | CHICK-FIL-A
OhmygodImissitsomuch. I swear, sometimes when I think about taking a bite out of that juicy spicy chicken sandwich and those perfectly cut waffle fries I could just cry. Plus Spain can learn a thing or 73 about good customer service.
PICK #2 | WHITE CASTLE
Judge me all you want, those tiny little cheese sliders are amazing every 1 or 2 months when the crave calls. Just leave those nasty ass crinkle fries behind in America, k? Even Spain would hate those flavorless abomonations.
PICK #3 | PANERA BREAD
Who doesn’t like a bougie deli meal every now and then? Spain’s closest version of this chain would probably be Rodilla – a place that sells a mushroom, chili, and anchovy sandwich. So yeah, it’s not umm…exactly a good substitute.
TRADE #1 | TAKO AWAY FOR CHIPOTLE
Tako Away has great prices, but the food tastes like cardboard. E. coli outbreaks aside, Chipotle is definitely a better option. I miss their steak and their yummy corn salsa. Plus, nobody else in Spain can seem to get guacamole quite right.
TRADE #2 | KFC FOR POPEYES
Seriously, in America, KFC is like the Tito Jackson of fried chicken options. The people in this country don’t even know they could be having Michael in his prime. Even the sides are 10x better. I could literally eat red beans and rice every day.
TRADE #3 | BURGER KING FOR WENDY’S
I don’t know why, but the Spanish LOVE them some Burger King. I really can’t comprehend the obsession. I don’t have anything against BK, I just happen to think Wendy’s nuggets are way better. I’m sure the people of Spain would agree once they try it.
TEAM CUTS | SUBWAY, TACO BELL, AND MCDONALD’S
(No one needs you here. Go home, Roger.)