There’s Nothing Wrong With Slut-Shaming

slut shaming judging your rhoa hoeness deleted feminism
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Judging by the title, this article probably seems like an angry diary entry from a self-righteous hotep priestess from #PickMeTwitter, but I assure you that is not my intention. Just keep reading.

Some people think sleeping with more than a set number of people in a lifetime makes you a “hoe”. Some people say numbers don’t matter, as long as you don’t have more than one sexual partner at a time. Others say neither time nor numbers matter as long as you stay protected and child-free. Here’s what I think: people who wear straight bangs with curly hair are fundamentally confused and therefore shouldn’t be trusted. What does that mean to you? Well, whatever you want it to, of course. It’s just a random viewpoint, much like those definitions of “hoeness” mentioned above.

The point I’m trying to make is that they are all subjective statements. Egregious generalizations that we justify by referring to them as “opinion”. Opinions are views or judgements formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. No empiricism involved. No proof needed. Do you see where I’m going with this? Opinions are merely observations by which all conclusions vary by person. On any one topic, millions of opinions are formed, none of them necessarily more valid than the next. So whether that topic is hoes, religion, or virtual reality, every person is entitled to their own unique thoughts.



Given that fact, I don’t see anything wrong with slut-shaming. Hoeness is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder. It can be applied and deleted just as any individual pleases. It can be discussed and expressed just as frequently as anyone likes. See, I respect the decision for people to slut-shame as much as I respect the decision for people to BE sluts. It’s the circle of life. Hoes make the world go round, and so do the people who are there to criticize them. You can’t lambast someone for judging the sexual choices of another adult any more than you would lambast them for judging a person who voluntarily elected a cheeto as president. Both judgements derive from the beliefs and opinions of the individual, and it isn’t really up to you to change their perspective. Believe it or not, you can digest someone else’s beliefs without protesting or condoning what they have to say. This is what is referred to as “choosing your battles wisely”.

The battle that I choose to involve myself in has nothing to do with putting end to slut-shaming. In fact, I want to encourage more. Everyone should slut-shame. It’s our first-amendment right as Americans. I know I’m probably losing a lot of you right now. Just hear me out, I’ll make sense of it.

I’m sure that from the very moment you saw the title of this article, a few “hoes” or “sluts” popped into your mind. Who were they? Really. Take a couple of seconds to think about it. I’m willing to bet $20 on every reader that it was exclusively women. I bet that even as you continued to read, you applied everything I said to the female gender. That shit right there, is the battle I choose. Not slut-shaming itself, but the one-sided nature of it.

Let’s take it to sociolinguistics right quick. Derogatory names like “slut”, “hoe”, “tramp”, and “thot” are conditioned to be exclusively associated with women. So much so that when using them to describe a man, it’s so unnatural that it requires the attachment of the male pronoun.

Man-whore. Male-thot. Man-slut. Etc.

The (few) words associated with only men, e.g. pimp, player, womanizer, are exponentially less offensive in nature. In fact, they are used to praise a man for the exact same actions that would condemn a woman. If we’re going to slut-shame people, can we at least do it equally?



Let me use a little case-study as an example. Two GROWN-ASS adults, X and Y, get engaged and have a baby on the way. Mind you, X has 3 other children with 3 other individuals, but this is the first and only child for Y. When baby Z is born, X and Y split due to irreconcilable differences. Y moves on with custody of baby Z, and eventually begins dating a person named W. They get serious after some time, and W proposes to Y. When asked about their sex life, Y explains that they are abstaining until marriage.

When Y and W are finally married, W cares for baby Z as if it were their own. Not too long after, the newly MARRIED COUPLE is pregnant/expecting twins of their own. X continues a life of slanging genitals to anybody who will take ‘em.

If you followed any type of gossip page on social media last year, you probably know exactly who this story is about. But I’ve removed all gender-specific pronouns in an effort to prove my gotdamn point. In this story, X is the main one exhibiting “promiscuous” behavior. Judging by that and nothing else, they should receive the most slut-shaming, right? But in real life, X is a man and Y is a woman, so the outcome is the complete opposite. Even though Y only dated one man after X, who eventually became her LITERAL LEGAL HUSBAND, people still criticized her for moving on too fast. Bouncing relationship to relationship. Having her son around another man. Getting pregnant too soon. Meanwhile X is literally the father of 4 children with 4 different women and still raps about hitting random bitches with no condom. But you’d be hard pressed to find as much public disapproval towards him.

For anyone who is going to try and pull it, don’t even waste your breath with that “master key/master lock” metaphor. That tale is as old and full of shit as the #BringBackPantyhose rant by crazy ass Juanita Bynum. You can’t impress me with a metaphor that lauds the sexual liberty of a man while offering praises for a woman who oppresses that very same autonomy. I ain’t falling for that okie-doke. I want the same standards for both sides.

People slut-shame Amber Rose for showing her body on IG, but leave heart eye emojis under every thirst trap from The Game. Rihanna dates a few well-known men and becomes an “industry hoe”, but Drake is literally out here fucking all of our mothers and daughters and all that gets him is a “Check Out Aubrey’s New Boo!” headline.

I know that we are comfortable with this double standard because we are taught from an early age it’s just the way things are. But I challenge you to do your part in turning this around. Slut-shame your ex-boyfriend for cheating on you with that girl he said was just a childhood friend. Slut-shame your father for leaving your mother and starting a new family on the other side of the country. Slut-shame your brother and his friends every time they come around with a different girl.

Nah, but for real. I challenge you to take your personal standards of “hoeness” – whatever they may be – and apply them to all genders. Make your disdain and disapproval be of equal opportunity. May your criticism and judgment apply to all.

May you go forth, oh wise opiner, and slut-shame in the name of equality.

About Lauren Victoria 93 Articles
Lauren is a Chicago native and budget traveler obsessed with foreign languages, neuropsychology, dancing, and applesauce. She recently quit her full-time job in social services to be a human English dictionary in Madrid, Spain.
  • Passionate Woman

    I ?? Am ?? Here ?? For ?? This ??
    But the sad thing is you could slut-shame a guy and next thing you know he’s lying saying that he hit you too! But I’m sure you call a guy a hoe enough it’ll sit with him. What I do to hit home is say things like “I feel bad for your future daughter”. We all know Karma is a female dog. Nobody wants to think of their seed in that way. Some may call it petty, but I call it a wake up call.

    • Yes! Or I ask them about their mother!

  • Malia Moore

    I wholeheartedly agree!!! #preach

  • Calienta Nelly Jaya

    tell them….said perfectly
    couldn’t agree more

  • ?Queen Bre?

    Post on POINT!!!! Love it!!

  • Court S

    I agree. This fits into the whole wave now where you can’t have an opinion about something without being lambasted, or people aren’t allowed to question the nuances of topics without some sort of vitriolic backlash.

  • KA

    You must be one of my long lost friends! We have this conversation all the time especially after Juicy Campus popped up my first year of college and slut shaming went viral. Ive always how women can have sex with three people and it’s like wow does she have any walls but men are allowed to run freely. I’ve always though as you mentioned that is really no one else’s business who I decide to lay down with especially if it’s not your man!

    • lmao “does she have any walls” so ridiculous but so true!

  • Shaunte

    This is on point! love your writing. I slut shame everybody?? Men, women, animals?

    • You are the real MVP! lmao

  • Omg!! That key and lock metaphor gets me every time. I need everyone to realize how outdated it is and let people do what they want. Either way, hoe-ing or not, none of my business lol

    • Thank you! Unless YOU plan on laying with them, their sexual life is none of your business

  • Maya

    I feel like I know exactly which couple you’re talking about and I’m SOOO glad you brought it up because that situation frustrates me to no end! I loved this post though and I really love your writing style as well

    • Yes girl! People just love to talk about her and I can’t for the life of me figure out why!